Weaving the Friendship Tapestry

An excerpt from this post ft. fav moments

The hardest part of friendship is knowing it can change, yet choosing to love it for what it was and what it is. ~ Anonymous

Friends revolutionised the way we think about friendships. Watching the NYC gang of six navigate adulthood’s challenges, and how much the real world sucked, seemed like exactly what we needed in life. But even the creators admitted that they focused on the years when friendship was the single most important relationship. Monica tells Rachel in the pilot, “Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it.” And well, let’s talk about the real world.

I always thought the show was overrated, until I, too, was drawn to the idea of having a gang that would always be there for me. On the surface, it sounds like every introvert’s nightmare, but secretly, it could be our guilty pleasure. Just a caveat: let’s not forget how Friends is a microcosm of Western living. I’m not here to debate cultural differences; no matter where you are, everyone craves support. And we get but a sliver of it. In this “I-scratch-your-back-you-scratch-mine” world, navigating friendships can be a slippery slope. That’s what Friends misses—these six people are brutally honest, don’t always get along, and have quirks that sometimes overwhelm. But the show balances it with humour. They set boundaries, and everyone seems to agree. But when they share feedback, after much offence, they all have moments of divine self-awareness, so they can move on to the next ridiculous thing.

Now, let me ask you: How often do you call out a friend without sugarcoating it? How often do you fully acknowledge a friend’s shortcomings but secretly bitch about gossip about have an emphatic discussion about it behind their back? Or struggle to set boundaries without second-guessing your friendship? These complexities are far from the utopian version of friendship we see in Friends. 

What’s a show called friends, when the show ends after the group actually grows up, and disbands? But how about a show on 20 something year olds, who are geographically displaced, don’t even talk everyday and basically only communicate via reels and memes here and there, have to stay in their dysfunctional families helplessly, basically fight at every minor inconvenience and then post passive aggressive attacks on social media out of spite to ignite the fire, but still remain a tight bunch of six, and learns to navigate adult friendships in a messy, realistic way? That’s when we’ll talk.

The real world does suck. Not all of us have a group of friends that outnumber the fingers on one hand. True friends—those who’ve stuck by you, rain or shine—are few. And that’s enough. Cherish those 1 or 2 people who genuinely care, even if you don’t talk every day or track their Instagram stories. 

I know, my friends are there for me even when they’re not there. You ask who my best friend is, and I will say the same name I have been since 2010- she could be inside the NICU running pillar to post saving babies, or taking rounds of the ward ensuring that no one’s out to get her straight, and her name would appear after scrolling through my WhatsApp chats about 3-4 times. Another true friend has not given my birthday gift since last year, it’s a disgrace we haven’t met, but she always has the most uplifting things to say when I spring another rant on her. Another close friend is living her life exploring a side of her she didn’t know existed, and I watch her globe trot sneakily, but she would still trust me with her secrets no matter we only speak twice a year. My sibling-friend is all the way down south, but I have shared my loudest laughs with her. 

In hindsight the friends I lost, the ones whose friendships I grieve, I hope I get a chance to tell them that flowers bloom in my heart in their names to this day in the patch that was once reserved for them, and I hope they’re happy even if they don’t share it with me anymore. Life just had different plans, but how could I not be grateful for you when I had no-one?

The point is: friendships are threads that weave together the fabric of who we are. Some friendships last, some fray, and some rip apart. But in the end, it’s your tapestry. Don’t disregard friendships over logistics, and don’t romanticise them to the point of idealisation. What you have now is enough. Cherish those who are there for you, even if it’s only for today. Cheers to friendships and to your unique tapestry.