Maybe it is my Gen Z-ness, but isn’t “go be yourself,” really, really romanticised?

 "Duniya ki bheed mein yeh ajeeb haal hai mera, koi pehchaana nahi, aur koi ajnabi nahi."
~ Meer Dard

Ignorance balks what
Love can mend in ways untold
Why can’t you see?

The question "Who am I?" haunts us all. Life coaches offer guidance, therapists delve deep, and people leave us confused. We scour websites and rehearse answers for interviews, yet we still buffer when asked about ourselves. Isn't this a reflection of Oscar Wilde's observation: "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."?  

We search for answers in various places: from the science of engrams to astrology, self-help books, and anywhere else that seems promising. We fiercely defend our identities, proving points to ourselves or others – it's unclear. Witnessing the heartbreak caused by rigid identities and the chasms they create compels me to prod this sensitive topic.

 We defend our actions in the name of ethos. We set impossible expectations for ourselves: infallible, incapable of error, always right, all-knowing. We desperately resist being proven wrong. The truth is, you are who you are in this moment. You are a product of your experiences, of love and loss, either a victim or a victor, of not always being righteous or right, of having collected stories that look different each time you revisit them. So, break. Err. Go astray. Permit yourself to not be perfect. You don't have to be an ideal, unless your at peace with reality of right now. And those who don't get it, they just don't don't. 

Being so overwrought already, why tire ourselves with wanting somebody else's validation?

We are under watchful eyes, and we yearn to carry on the legacy of inspiration, however be remembered for your perseverance, not yielding to something that does not actually exist. Yes, I am talking about the futility to meet expectations that were never meant for you. 

If you think I have the answer, I’m elated to tell you that I most definitely do not. Because I’m learning to take pride in being unmoored. I’m okay with being wrong and not liked.  Isn't that's what being one in a million all about? I’m beginning to understand that I’m moody because I have moods; needy because I have needs. And I no longer wish to exercise control over everything around me—just myself. 

The catch is, when we fail to appreciate these nuances in ourselves, we become all the more intolerant of them in others. As Meer Dard said, "Duniya ki bheed mein yeh ajeeb haal hai mera, koi pehchaana nahi, aur koi ajnabi nahi." (In this world, my state is quite peculiar: I am but stranger to all, but everyone known to me.)

Perhaps, here's the key: Be yourself as you are in this given moment, and allow others to be themselves. The quest of unravelling identities is ever changing. Who are we to question what science calls individual differences and only accept what we deem is perfect? Extend a hand or an olive branch if you believe everyone is deserving of your kindness, whether through words or actions- even if sometimes it means just to offer silent empathies. 

Then, we can all thrive. Or at least, try.